“I don’t want to take it off!” Jordan ran to a corner, arms folded, crocodile tears streaming down her face. In the opposite corner, Jeanette and I did all that we could to suppress laughter. Jordan clutched her right forearm defiantly. A crusted, dingy sliver of translucent adhesive tape dangled near her finger tips. It was a stowaway from her hospital stay. It once held the IV tubing in place, but now it stuck to her arm like a vestigial organ, its only purpose to collect bits of dirt and grime.

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At age 14 Sylvia Plath wrote, “How frail the human heart must be – a mirrored pool of thought.” Years ago when I read this I thought it a deep sentiment for an adolescent. Watching Jordan struggle with her own mirrored pool of thought this week, the poem found new meaning. Physically, Jordan is recovering well. She adeptly moves around the house, only occasionally needing to balance herself. She appears to have less visual impairment.

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Cancer. Finally, they said it. Strangely, it was a relief. There were no more ambiguous references. No pregnant pauses. Just the word. Cancer. We expected to hear the word, though it never before entered conversations with the physicians. Today the word became part of the dialogue. Our daughter has cancer. Technically, she is diagnosed with low grade glioma in the form of leptomeningeal astrocytoma.Her prognosis is good. Dr. Finlay likened her condition to a chronic illness, abstractly analogous to asthma.

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If you were hoping to read a positive entry from me today, you should click on to another URL. I’m dour and angry, resentful and dramatic. I usually try to dig deep down and find a bright side to share with friends and family, to keep everyone thinking good thoughts. But today was a bad day. My little girl is suffering and I’m tired of trying to help others feel better about our situation.

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Jordan’s surgery went well. She was in the O.R. for nearly four hours. She will spend the next 24 hours in the pediatric ICU for observation. She’s sleeping heavily and not having any major pain. Everyone expects her to recover from the surgery quickly and without complications. The rest of the news is not so good. The neurosurgeon’s opinion is that we are dealing with a diffuse, inoperable brain tumor. It is inoperable for two reasons: (1) it is not focalized in any one specific area, and (2) some of the tumorous lesions are in areas that are out of reach for the surgical team, and dangerous to toy with.

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